Preparing for Your Orthodox Wedding
Marriage in the Orthodox Church begins long before the wedding day itself. Between the moment a couple decides to marry and the moment they stand before the priest to be crowned, there is real preparation to do — spiritual, practical, and pastoral. This guide walks through what to expect and what to prepare.
Before Scheduling a Date
The first step is always the same: speak with your parish priest before setting a date. He will confirm that you are free to marry in the Church, explain what your particular parish and diocese require, and help you begin preparing spiritually as well as practically.
A few things worth knowing going in:
- Both spouses should be Orthodox Christians. Practice on this point does vary across the Orthodox world — some jurisdictions permit marriage to a baptized non-Orthodox Christian under certain pastoral conditions — but here, both husband and wife should be Orthodox Christians. If that isn't yet the case for you, speak with your priest early; he can walk you through what it would mean to prepare for reception into the Church before the wedding.
- Weddings are not celebrated during the Church's four fasting seasons — Great Lent, the Apostles' Fast, the Dormition Fast, and the Nativity Fast — nor on the eve of major feast days, nor on the ordinary Wednesday and Friday fast days. Your priest will help you find a date that fits the Church calendar.
- Civil marriage requirements vary by country and even by parish. In many places a civil marriage license is required alongside the Church service, and the priest signs it as part of the process; elsewhere, the state requires couples to marry civilly first, with the Church wedding following separately, or the two are handled in another order entirely. Ask your priest early what your specific parish and local civil authority require, since this is one of the details that differs the most from place to place.
- If either of you has been previously married, your priest will need to discuss what the Church requires before a new marriage can be blessed — this is handled directly and pastorally, not as an obstacle but as part of proper preparation.
None of this is meant to feel like a hurdle. It exists so that a couple enters marriage with the Church's full blessing and nothing left unresolved.
The Betrothal and the Crowning, Briefly
The wedding service itself unfolds in two parts: the Betrothal, where the rings are blessed and exchanged, and the Crowning, the heart of the service, where the bride and groom are crowned and led together around the altar table. (For a fuller reflection on what each part of the service means, see Preparing for Marriage — this guide focuses on the practical side of getting there.)
Sponsors: Godparents, Kum and Kuma, Koumbaros and Koumbara
Every Orthodox wedding includes at least one sponsor — known by different names depending on tradition: koumbaros and koumbara in the Greek tradition, kum and kuma (Кум и Кума) among Slavic and Balkan Orthodox Christians, or simply godparents in English. Whatever the name, the role is a real spiritual one, not just an honorary "best man" or "maid of honor" position. The sponsor stands as a witness before God and the Church to the reality of the marriage.
Because of this, the sponsor should be an Orthodox Christian in good standing with the Church — active in the sacramental life, not simply a close friend chosen for sentimental reasons. Your priest can help you think through who is appropriate to ask, and can explain any variation in local custom (some parishes are comfortable with more than one sponsor couple, for instance).
It is traditional, in many communities, for the wedding sponsor to go on to become godparent to the couple's children — but this is a custom, not a requirement, and families are free to choose differently when the time comes. What matters more than who baptizes the children later is the relationship itself: godparenthood is one of the more significant spiritual bonds in Orthodox life, joining sponsor and family together in a lasting relationship of prayer and mutual responsibility before God, not just a role performed once during a single service.
Practically, the sponsor typically helps arrange or hold the crowns and rings during the service and exchanges the crowns between the bride and groom three times during the Crowning.
What to Prepare
- The rings, blessed during the Betrothal.
- The crowns (stefana), either provided by the parish or brought by the couple — ask your priest what your parish uses or expects.
- Candles, carried by the godparents/sponsors through most of the service, symbolizing the light of Christ the couple brings into their new life together.
- The common cup, from which the bride and groom drink together, usually provided by the parish.
- In many Slavic traditions, a few additional items are customary: a pogača (a highly decorated ceremonial bread), a bottle of wine, and a cloth with which the hands of husband and wife are bound together during part of the service, symbolizing their union. Ask your priest whether these are used at your parish.
- Your civil marriage license, completed and ready before the day of the service.
- Time with your priest — most parishes expect at least one, often several, meetings beforehand to prepare spiritually, not just to review logistics.
After the Wedding
The service ends, the crowns are removed, and the celebration that follows is a real and good thing — but the wedding day itself is only the beginning. What matters most starts the next morning: a shared life of prayer, patience, forgiveness, and faithfulness. (This is exactly where Preparing for Marriage picks up, if you'd like to read further on what that ongoing life actually asks of a married couple.)
A pastoral note: every parish and every couple's situation is a little different — prior marriages, interfaith questions, timing around the Church calendar, family circumstances. Nothing above replaces an actual conversation with your priest, who can walk through your specific situation and make sure everything is properly prepared well before the day itself.
If any of this feels like a lot to take in, that's completely normal — take it one conversation at a time, starting with your priest. Reach out if you'd like help finding where to begin.
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